I work in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) at a busy hospital. While we do our very best to get everyone well, roughly a quarter of the patients do not make it out of the ICU alive. I am often asked by the patients and their families what the final days might look like.
What we most fear when death is staring us in the face is the unknown. How will it happen? Will it be painful or uncomfortable? What about those we leave behind? Will they be okay?
Although I have not died myself, I have, on two occasions, spoken to patients who survived near-death experiences in the ICU. Both patients had signs of cessation of life for several seconds, then they were resuscitated back to life. Both described death as a place of profound peace. They felt a vast blanket of calm embracing them and virtually all worries evaporated.
Even if you don’t believe that death is a peaceful place, you should at least be convinced that knowing death is arriving is an advantage. You can orchestrate your departure and help your loved ones go on without you.
Get ready for your last trip by writing down plans for a good death. Invite your family and friends to participate. This needs not to be morbid or dwell in sadness. Like birth, death is something all of us go through once in life. It’s significant and deserves good planning.
Start by getting the practical stuff out of the way
Get your affairs in order. Review and revise your will and estate planning. Consult your lawyer if you have to. Make sure you have healthcare directives in place. Discuss with your family and caretakers about your end-of-life care. Would you prefer to die at home? Would you be agreeable to dying in the hospital if the end-of-life care proved too burdensome for your caretakers? What personal items would you like to have with you at the hospital to make your experience feel less medical?
Get your mind ready for the journey toward peace
There’s no suitcase to pack for where you are going, but getting in the right mindset will prepare you and your loved ones for your final journey.
Unburden your mind and find closure by forgiving and letting go. If you have difficulties with forgiveness, think of the time you received forgiveness you did not deserve. Use the gratitude from that experience to allow yourself to forgive others. Check your bucket list. There will be items you won’t get to do. Share those with your loved ones who may be willing to carry out your wishes after your death. Otherwise, set free the lost dreams and unfulfillments. Forge ahead with no regrets.
Enrich your mind by placing emphasis on life’s meaning. Express love, kindness, and gratitude to those who matter. Ask your family and friends to write your eulogies and read them together. Plan your funeral, and make it a celebration of your life.
Help your loved ones survive your death
Besides your legacy and loving memories, you can gift your loved ones with things that persist long after your physical presence has ended. You can make simple art pieces, write essays, record voice memos of your life stories, or pass down your favorite recipes to your family.
By preparing yourself for a good death, you give your loved ones opportunities to start a healthy grieving process and heal early. Always remember that a peaceful place is ahead, and everything will be alright in the end.